


The colors of Love and Desire

by LadyLigeia07



Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-17 04:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14824901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLigeia07/pseuds/LadyLigeia07
Summary: What's the difference between love and desire?





	1. Chapter 1

The colors of Love and Desire

 

Feilong still had in his mind the issues he had been through in Taiwan just a few months ago. Those days were still piercing his memory, as those were brief but full of dangerous situations and deeply moving moments. Something he knew he must deal with his whole life. Since that day, his mind didn’t give him respite from remembering his brother’s death and the main reason he asked to have him killed. He had entrusted Yoh with that difficult mission, something that needed to be accomplished in total anonymity. It was something truly hard to ask and Feilong still feared the consequences of his bold move. This and many other things were part of his troubled memories now, until the moment he decided to contact Yoh again without understanding exactly why. Perhaps, he just wanted someone to talk with about that matter, someone who wouldn’t judge him and could give him the comfort of his sincere affection and warm words. However, Feilong had understood already that his decision was the correct one because things must be done when they needed to be done; there wasn’t any other way to deal with a trouble inside his line of business.

Feilong contacted Yoh after the beginning of an unusual hot autumn. That phone call really caught Yoh by surprise. He didn’t expect Feilong would ever contact him again. The former master’s voice sounded a bit unsure from the other side of the phone, and after asking Yoh something trivial about his health, he went directly to the point, asking if they could meet each other again.

They met in a hotel out of the center of Hong Kong, a place full of tourists facing the magnificent blue sea. Feilong registered at the hotel with a fake name, as Yoh had done the day before. He went to that appointment alone. He didn’t want his bodyguards to get worried so he told them that he was having a meeting with the manager of one of his legitimate companies (one of the few he had in the island), so there was nothing to be worried about.

Feilong arrived by evening and after signing in at the entrance of the hotel, he went upstairs to meet Yoh in one of the cozy rooms with a beautiful view from the wall window. While checking in with a fake name at the front desk, Feilong was mistaken for an actor. It wasn’t the first time. The receptionist, a tall, thin girl dressed in light blue, complimented him for the success of his last action movie. Feilong told her that he would have given her ‘his’ especial autograph if she had kept the secret, and smiled at her.

Yoh received Feilong with apparent calmness. Feilong was used to his poker expression since the day he was still working under his lead and was his most trustful subordinate. Sometimes he still remembered the anger that had caught him when he had discovered that he was one of Asami’s spies inside his organization. In order to make him reveal everything related to that mission, he had ordered his men to torture him. He didn’t expect to see him again after Asami had abandoned his gambling ship in a boat with his lover, leaving Feilong alone to face the sad truth. When he saw Yoh again on the deck of his ship, he wondered why he hadn’t escaped with Asami that day. When Yoh himself put his gun in his hand asking to kill him, he couldn’t do it. Inside himself, he had understood that whatever the betray was, Yoh wanted to come out of that “clean”. After having the time to reflect on it, Feilong knew enough to understand that it was Asami who had sent Yoh in the days of his imprisonment after his father’s death. Yoh had protected him under Asami’s orders. This had changed the vision he had about the whole betrayal situation.

Feilong had noticed that Yoh had changed during that brief journey in Taiwan. Now, Yoh was in front of him dressed in a casual outfit: a polo shirt, and blue jeans. He looked good, more than during those years he had been his underling. Feilong, contrary to his usual, had a blue summer shirt and cotton pants. He entered the room, and after greeting Yoh in a less formal way, he closed the door. Yoh grabbed him by the hand and slammed him against the wall, kissing him passionately. Feilong was startled for a moment because he didn’t expect that Yoh would have cut straight to the chase, even if deep inside he wanted it.

They started undressing next to the wall and began making love on the bed before falling on the gray blue-carpeted floor and continuing the sex just where they were caught by the new, sudden situation. The carpet was clean and soft enough to allow them to experiment a various number of original positions. It was something wild and shameless, Feilong admitted to himself afterwards. However, when they were still at it, Feilong couldn’t help but remember what had happened in Taiwan with Yoh and the way he had tried to deal with his memories during that first time they had had sex together. He remembered trying to abandon himself to the pleasure, finally enjoying the spontaneous lovemaking he was having in Yoh’s apartment that rainy summer night. He thought of Asami too, as he had done that night with Yoh. He thought of the way he had loved Asami all those years without even recognizing his feelings as those of love. Those feelings were never clear probably because they were mixed with bitterness and hate. He had never truly understood what the word “love” meant to him. It was a confusing emotion.

After finishing, they stayed on the bed for a while, embracing each other. The room was becoming dark; the view of the sea out the window was breathtaking: blue cobalt water shining under the moonlight. It would be a memorable and beautiful night.

Yoh kissed his neck and caressed his thighs, saying how much he loved him. He was even more open about his feelings than that night in his apartment in Taiwan. Feilong smiled with melancholy. Even if he knew Yoh’s words were true, he also knew that they could never have an open relationship, not with their crime lifestyle. It was sad and unthinkable.

Some time passed after that night and even if he were aware a similar moment they had shared would hardly happen again, he contacted Yoh to ask him help in a problematic situation. Their business connection, since that time in Taiwan, was settled as that of a principal and his agent. That time they met at the hotel, Yoh had promised him that he would have done whatever Feilong had asked, and he told Yoh to be at his disposal in case he would need him as a spy in the Asian underground business. He had understood already that Yoh would never be part of his organization again and had accepted it as something inevitable and natural. Even for the sake of having a brief pleasurable encounter once in a while, their relationship should have been kept as a secret.

Feilong expected hard times in his organization as well as for the others involved in the same traffic and sharing the same routes. One of his spies in the Russian territory had told him about a new, dangerous organization which main business was the weapons trade. Someone new in the field would surely have brought unbalance in the established market and more around the narrow strait between Hong Kong and Macau.

The memory of that night at the hotel had come to his mind many times the whole autumn. The joy and the pleasure of those moments stolen to his ordinary- and sometimes dangerous- life. Feilong missed Yoh, he was fully aware of the feeling that began to pierce deep inside his heart, touching him in his moments of loneliness, especially during the nights. Before going to sleep, he often remembered the cobalt blue sea that night, the silver blue stars, the bed covered in a smooth light blue blanket, the deep kisses, the salty taste of Yoh’s body, the smell of the near sea. All was bright and blue in his memory, blue was definitely the color of love.

_Love_

He got surprised the first time he associated his feelings for Yoh as those of love. For hours, he had tried to analyze them without finding a right definition for those feelings. Love, affection, trust. Did all of them mean love?

_Probably_

He admitted the truth to himself with a sad smile because he could have never fully enjoyed that feeling and its meaning. He could only have fragments of pleasurable moments from time to time, brief instants of love and affection, nothing more.

After a while, Yoh contacted him. He had some interesting information about some problems going around the routes of the weapon’s business. Asami was also involved.

Feilong invited Yoh to Hong Kong to allow him to explain better the situation and to follow up any other rumors of that issue in the island. After getting what he wanted to know, Feilong took the decision to stay away from the problem until the day a foreigner with a rare scar on his face threatened Tao, his nephew. Only at that moment, he decided to intervene.

Feilong and Yoh managed to have only brief moments in which they could be alone without any bodyguards around. They tried to do their best to enjoy this time stolen to their day-to-day lives. Feilong had assigned Yoh a temporary apartment in a hidden place in the island.

Anyway, he started resenting of the distressing situation, and getting to see Yoh only when both had very little time to enjoy their encounters, didn’t help. Feilong got dissatisfied and embittered in no time.

After having a confrontation with the dangerous Russian group where Feilong and Asami saved each other, they finally managed to leave the misunderstandings of the past behind. He decided to send Asami and his lover to his villa in Macau to protect them, ignoring that the Russian group had infiltrated his organization. Feilong just wanted to deal with the issue himself, without having the lovers around. To be honest, he was a bit irritated by them and their relationship, it was envy, without a doubt.

He asked Yoh information about Mikhail, the leader of an important Russian group, and his surroundings. Yoh found out that the Russian leader was staying in a luxury hotel in the center of Hong Kong, probably for business. Since Feilong expected Mikhail to have information on the group that was causing troubles and was after Asami now; and knowing that the young Russian had a thing for him, he went to that hotel dressed in an elegant suit, to make a somehow stunning entrance.  

Yoh didn’t demand any explanation when Feilong got out the car, even if he had known him far enough to be aware of his personal way to deal in business. This irritated him, maybe deep inside he expected Yoh to do something to show that he was annoyed about this particular matter.

After Feilong opened the car’s door, Yoh just asked, “Do you want me to accompany you?” and he replied coldly, just to make him feel uneasy, “No, I’ll go in there alone.”

Feilong met the Russian in the main hall chatting with some beautiful girls and drinking fine Scotch whisky from a glass. Feilong interrupted him with confidence and noticed that Mikhail smiled at his sight. He dismissed the girls with nonchalance and invited Feilong to take sit in front of him. The red sofas were so comfortable and stylish, and matched the decorations and the deep red carpet.

Feilong asked him something about the organization that was after Asami. As expected, Mikhail told him everything he knew, adding that he had already stolen the weapons that were going from Asami’s route of business (Asami had been betrayed by a subordinate) to the other Russian group. Feilong had always found irritating his shameless attitude. So, in the end, it had been Mikhail who had put Asami in troubles, because now those crazy Russians wanted the money they had already paid for the goods, come hell or high water.

Feilong, directly, asked him if he would be capable to destroy the dangerous Russian group. Mikhail startled and answered him straight that he couldn’t do something that would not benefit his organization and actually could have harmed him.

Feilong, sure of receiving the answer he expected, offered him a lot of money in properties and weapons, but Mikhail refused the offer. Always as expected, the blond Russian had the nerve to ask Feilong sexual favors in return for his help, just to tease him. However, Feilong, having the opportunity to catch two birds with one stone answered, “Yes, but I’m really expensive, you know.” He left Mikhail with no words.

Mikhail, still surprised, agreed to take only the half of Feilong’s first proposal and having the rest to be paid “in kind”.

Both reached Mikhail’s luxury suite adorned with landscape paintings and red-carpeted walls. The atmosphere was inviting and fine. Feilong started getting undressed and Mikhail reached him from behind to embrace him while asking;

“Would you go this far for Asami’s sake?”

Feilong answered that he did only things for the benefit of himself without sounding convinced. When Mikhail kissed him, his response was cold and mechanical.

Mikhail threw him on the bed covered with red satin sheets. He asked if Feilong wanted him to make him more honest, “because it seems that you cannot be honest with yourself,” he added. After kissing and biting softly his neck, Mikhail whispered, “Why are you doing this with me? I want a sincere answer.”

“You got my response,” Feilong said without blinking an eye. Mikhail smiled with melancholy and replied, “You know it wasn’t true.”

Mikhail opened his belt and tugged down his pants. He began kissing Feilong from the neck to the groin, in small teasing kisses. Feilong’s response was purely physical and his moans sounded artificial to Mikhail’s ears. Feilong even caressed his face and blond hair, but Mikhail felt as if those were the whores’ caresses he was used to since his younger years. Just insincere demonstrations with no other meaning than a thirst for money and sometimes fame, but never love. Mikhail still remembered his youth, his house in St. Petersburg, his parents’ indifference to their only child, the severe education, and the lack of joy.

He always knew he liked men as well as women but he never showed his affection to any man in his life. Many men had passed from his bed, most of them mere gigolos, discreet people who wanted only something from him, money or help on some matter that they cared the most. Some were models or aspiring actors, and the best was that they knew how much discretion was a valuable asset. With women, there were only small differences. His personal preference laid on stunning ladies that he liked to show going with him to parties and special meetings with other men in the same business. These men were always eager for the company of flashy women.

Among other things, he had his hands in the high-level prostitution business, and had lent beautiful women to many men’s club in Asia. He had met owners who were determined in having striking Russian beauties and paying the price. Some special S/M clubs were included because Mikhail himself liked to be a special customer in some of them. His sexual appetite only subsided with some kind of special performance. Sometimes, when he was in the mood, he got pleasure from the pain inflicted on his body.

Mikhail started giving Feilong an oral, getting a gasp and a false moan. He was getting tired of it.

The blond Russian had gained enough information about Feilong over the years to know that he had acted as a prostitute under his now dead brother’s command, so he surely was used to some kind of attentions and its usefulness. Feilong had never been an innocent person on sexual matters. Throughout the years, Mikhail had wondered what Feilong had had with Asami, what had made their relationship a tortuous one. He had never been truly interested in it until this very moment.

Mikhail stared at Feilong when they got to the good stuff. Something that he remembered about what had been told to him, was that Feilong always wanted to be in control. Exactly as Mikhail expected, Feilong began taking control of the situation in bed. Feilong straddled him before lubricating himself and going down his erect penis.

Mikhail didn’t like it.

In an attempt to turn the tables on Feilong, Mikhail said, “Don’t hide your face, I want to see you well.”

He looked at Feilong’s face and read clearly in his eyes that even if his body was present, his mind was somewhere else. Tired of the situation, Mikhail yanked Feilong’s hand and made him fall down the bed.

Feilong went in alarm and warned him with these words, “If you betray me, I’ll kill you,” while Mikhail plainly answered, “I know,” before holding him from behind and penetrating him with no consideration of his pleasure. Mikhail just wanted to trigger some primitive response in Feilong. He was almost sure that Feilong was fantasizing over someone during sex, and he couldn’t tolerate it anymore.

Feilong, caught by surprise, screamed in pain and anger. The Russian suddenly stopped his assault and told him clearly that he couldn’t bear his inconsiderate behavior anymore. “I just wanted to make things easier for you,” he lied.

Feilong, who seemed shocked by his answer, exclaimed, “What do you want from me? You knew what all of this was about from the very first moment. What did you expect?!”

“To truly enjoy it… a bit?” he said, before thrusting inside Feilong’s body painfully again.

“What the heck are you doing?!” Feilong exclaimed, his anger taking over whatever physical pleasurable sensation he had had before.

“If you can’t enjoy it, perhaps a little pain can help and give me a different response than a merely fake one. Pleasure or pain? What do you prefer?”

Stubbornly, Feilong didn’t answer.

Mikhail thrusted inside him again, with more force this time.

Feilong clenched his teeth.

“You don’t want to give up, do you? I’m not stupid. I know this is only a transaction for you, but why deny both a bit of real pleasure? Tell me?”

“You just said it, this is nothing more than business. If you wanted something else… well, I’m the wrong person for that.”

“And you should know I’m not the kind of person that would be happy with just a halfhearted fuck. The expression on your face before was offensive to me as if I didn’t know you were thinking of someone else. Who was it? Asami? I repeat it again, pain or pleasure, what do you want?”

Feilong didn’t expect Mikhail would complain if his mind were totally elsewhere while they were having sex. He had done the same in his younger years when he needed to use his beauty for the benefit of the organization.

He had thought of Asami when his brother had tried to abuse him in Taiwan. This had made that horrible moment more bearable… and now he was doing the same because he couldn’t think of Yoh without feeling remorse.

“Do you want me to treat you as the whore you are, or at least as a onetime good fuck?”

Mikhail’s words hurt him. Feilong frozen for an instant and in the submissive position he was in that moment, he didn’t dare to say another word.

Without warning, Mikhail flipped him up, putting both face to face, and pinned Feilong down the bed as if he wanted to dominate him. Feilong gasped in surprise and he was about to say something when the Russian kissed him forcefully, sliding his tongue into his mouth eagerly. He bit his lower lip with lust, measuring his partner’s reaction to the assault. Inside Feilong, a primitive submissive instinct got free, and he gave in, first reluctantly and then gradually more participating, until he abandoned himself completely.

When they were done, Feilong took a shower and dressed again. Mikhail watched him from the messy bed and smiling asked him if he would have the pleasure to see Feilong again for another sex session. He, coldly, answered that probably he wouldn’t have the opportunity to see him again in the same circumstances. “So, bye!” he added.

“I’m an optimist by nature,” Mikhail replied with a teasing tone. Feilong went out the door without looking back. He was furious, remorseful and humiliated. He didn’t want to feel that way ever again.

When he was going downstairs, he met Yoh halfway holding a frightened look in his eyes.

“The helicopter carrying Asami to Macau got lost, they probably fell in the ocean. I just contacted reliable people to try to retrieve them. It’s better if you start looking for the traitors among your men.”

From that moment everything went chaotic and Feilong didn’t have the time to reflect on the fact he had whored himself to Mikhail without having now anything in return. At least the blond Russian was enough of a ‘gentleman’ not to pretend the goods Feilong had promised him. It would have been too much considering he was who put Asami in problems in the first place.

Some days passed and there were no traces of Asami and his lover. Feilong was worrying to no end.  He felt bad for both, but deep inside it was Asami’s memory that made him suffer the most. He started having nightmares and one of those days, he decided to call Mikhail. He wanted to know if the Russian could have helped him, at least in exchange of the “favor” he had done for him.

He felt irritated after hearing Mikhail’s insolent voice from the other side of the phone. However, he was aware his irritation had a different origin.

“Do you know?” said the Russian carelessly, “I’m again in Hong Kong at the same hotel to visit a club I’m opening here. Would you like to join me today? We can have dinner in my suite and talk freely about ‘that matter’. I usually have dinner at 8 pm.”

Feilong felt something piercing his pride, the humiliation he had suffered was still affecting him. Since the moment he slept with Mikhail, he couldn’t find the courage to see Yoh again alone in his apartment. It was a weird sensation and even so, the memory of that night in the Russian’s suite was still burning in his body. It was a sensation of mixed feelings, anger… and desire, red as a flame. He couldn’t forget how Mikhail humiliated and possessed him without regards. Sometimes during the nights, he dreamed of the Russian throwing him on the bed with violence, sexing him up with no respect or good manners, and this aroused him incredibly. After a moment that seemed a century, he answered,

“Agree. I’ll be there,” and hung up the phone.


	2. More than Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How complicated can be a man's heart?

More than Love

 

Those hands with which he just got acquainted, knew so well how to touch him. The skillful fingers knew how to caress the most sensitive parts of his body. He had never considered having so many erogenous zones. Those fingers knew when and where to add the needed pressure to unleash a variety of different sensations. His body felt like flying with him. How did that guy know so well what he needed?

He was so skillful in using his lips to brush and suck slightly his penis that made him tremble with unprecedented passion. His exquisite knowledge in the means of mortification, made him feel so ashamed yet incredibly aroused.

He made him feel so embarrassed that the calibrated pain he inflicted on his body was an unforgivable pleasure. He hated him for that, he lusted him for the same reason. What an inexplicable paradox.

When they were done, both were panting and covered with sweat and other body fluids. Mikhail stretched his arm to reach for the bedside table where he had a pack of cigarettes. With calm, he lit one of these and asked Fei if he would have liked to smoke one too. Fei shook his head and watching Mikhail with a cigarette, he remembered Asami once again.

He still couldn’t believe what just had happened between them. He never expected when he entered that hotel, to actually enjoy whatever the fate was holding for him. His body was still tired from all the pleasurable sensations and a bit sore too.

He saw Mikhail with the cigarette between his fingers, smoking calmly. Mikhail looked at him with amusement asking directly if he were good enough for a first time encounter. Fei avoided his eyes and for an instant, the blond Russian seemed annoyed by it, but soon his expression changed to show a subtle smile and after dragging off his cigarette he asked, “How about Asami? Was he this good? From some rumors, I got that he had the ability to turn any guy around into a total gay one. Is this true?” he asked as if it were the most natural thing to be curious about.

Mikhail’s behavior bothered Fei. The blond guy might have noticed something because he changed the topic and asked him if he didn’t want to drink something. He had a soft expression now. That man was definitely a mystery sometimes, he can be rude and hurtful and sometimes unbelievable gentle. Fei didn’t answer and throwing the sheets away from him, he got up without regards, saying he needed to use the shower.

He noticed that Mikhail’s glance followed him to the bathroom. When he came out, he went directly to pick up his clothes from the floor. Mikhail told him that he had a well-toned, lean body. “I like your elegant figure and your nice ass.”

Fei just snorted and felt like if he had made a huge mistake exposing his neat, naked body to those hungry eyes.

Mikhail’s eyes still followed him when he started getting dressed. _What the heck does he want from me_ _now?_ Fei thought. When he started knotting his tie, Mikhail said, “It would be a pity if we leave things like this, don’t you agree?” adding, “because I know that you truly enjoyed it, there’s no use in denying this wonderful thing. I practiced being a sub in the past, so I know how good it feels… obviously if well done. Most of my dom partners were girls since I feel more comfortable with them… oops but you probably don’t like women anyway since you had gone through Asa...”

Fei finally snapped and look at Mikhail furiously;

“Could you finally stop with your stupid nonsense?!”

Mikhail got that he had overstepped the mark, and calmly he dragged off his cigarette again and asked,

“Will I have the pleasure of another sex session with you in the future? I admit once wasn’t enough. I’m being damn serious now… I truly like you.”

“We won’t meet each other again in these same circumstances. So, bye.”

He heard Mikhail’s delighted laugh before slamming the door behind him.

*

After contacting Mikhail again by phone, Fei immediately regretted it… but it was late anyway. His body was already burning in expectation after hearing the Russian’s impertinent voice from the other side of the line.

At that moment, Tao entered the room. He noticed something in his master’s expression because he asked if he needed something “for his headache”. “No, it’s nothing,” Fei replied, “you can go and have lessons with your tutor. I will only call you if I need a cup of tea.”

He tried to concentrate on his work all morning, but the thought of that encounter by dinner aroused him the whole time. It was like he could still feel Mikhail’s touch in many hidden parts of his body and his brain as well. He felt as if he had been brainwashed and now he had become used to some special ministrations or something of the sort. How could Mikhail have achieved that with just one sex meeting?

By evening, Fei got dressed as his usual and asked one of his men to drive him to the hotel where Mikhail was staying. He couldn’t be this shameless to ask Yoh to drive him to that hotel again. ‘ _Has Yoh ever been jealous_?’ Fei wondered with annoyance. At the entrance, he was mistaken for a popular singer by the girl at the front desk. “You know, I love so much your songs,” she said. He promised to send her an autographed CD with his last compilation if she had kept the secret and winked at her.

He remembered that Mikhail had hit a sore spot when he had talked of his inability to have sex with women after getting to know Asami. It was true and this had hurt him, not because of women themselves but for Mikhail’s intrusive assumption. The bastard seemed simply amused by it.

When he arrived at the second floor where Mikhail’s suite was, he noticed a well-dressed young girl with a ponytail leaving his room. _Maybe I’ll find him a bit toned down_ , Fei thought. The girl smiled at him, calling him, “Mr. G” the stage name of a famous singer. He smiled as always but he was getting tired of these constant misunderstandings, even if many times these had worked to his advantage. He had gotten easily used to be confused with actors and singers and sometimes models.

The door had been left half open. He entered the suite with nonchalance and saw Mikhail coming out from the bathroom in a cotton robe.

“She wasn’t a prostitute but a masseuse,” he said before Fei had the time to say hello.

“I didn’t mean to ask you. That’s your business, not mine,” Fei replied with a snort and closed the door.

“I know you would have answered that. Anyway, I’m now full of energy. Don’t you believe it’s a good thing to pay attention to your body and to search for ways to relieve stress?”

Mikhail undid the belt of his bathrobe and dropped it down the floor. Fei looked at him with a dumbfounded expression. He must admit Mikhail had a wonderful body, his abs were like those of a Greek statue. The first time he had seen him naked in bed, the vision had astonished him.

Mikhail smirked, “Do you like what you see? If you want me you must know what to do,” with confidence, he went to the bed and laid down putting his body in full display. “We can think of dinner later when we are done.” He said winking at him.

*

Feilong was in his bed trying to sleep but his cravings were tormenting him. It was like if he were lying on a bed made of metaphorical scorching nails. His body was claiming for an instant relief. He got up and went to the bathroom to masturbate.

After that, he calmed down a bit and drank some water from a bottle on his bedside table. He didn’t want to think about what had happened the day before. He tried desperately to stick to the memory of their conversation while having dinner in Mikhail’s suite. He had agreed in giving Fei a hand in seeking for Asami and his lover. “But I want something in exchange,” he had said.

There was a mysterious small white box lying on their dinner table where they had just enjoyed their food. Mikhail opened it and showed Fei a luxury Rolex watch in his classic green case. Fei frowned. “I can buy a hundred of these by myself without you giving me one as a gift,” he exclaimed feeling uncomfortable.

“It’s not a gift but something really useful I would like you to wear when we meet together on special occasions,” Mikhail replied.

“Do you want me to use it when we meet together for a fuck?”

Mikhail laughed,

“You are too fast in catching the wrong meaning,” Mikhail said. “But it’s not only sex I want from you and I think that you have paid enough for Asami’s ass already.”

Fei’s cheeks became visible red.

“So?”

“This isn’t a common watch. It has a microchip inside that would give you access to some of my especial warehouses full of goods, obviously if you agree to meet each other whenever it would be convenient and discreet for both.”

“So, is it business?”

“Yes, it’s always business, isn’t it?”

Fei didn’t know how to explain it but he felt somehow hurt by Mikhail’s words.

Mikhail smiled delightedly.

“So, What?” Fei asked embarrassed.

“I love when your expressions are so honest, really. Don’t you think we make a good match?”

Even remembering the dinner was enough to arouse him again. His body had become spoiled with so little.

_So little…_

_“Ask it to me again, with all due respect,”_

_“Please, I beg you, put your dick inside me.”_

_“I didn’t hear you, raise your voice!”_

_“Please, I beg you, put your wonderful, fantastic dick inside my ass!_

_“Do you want me to give it roughly to you?”_

_“Yes, please, YES, YES!”_

_“I spoiled you already, my pet.”_

Fei opened his eyes wide and wasn’t able to sleep until morning.

“Damned Russian,” he exclaimed.

*

The sex had been even better than the first time. It was quite satisfying since it provided a new kind of relief for Feilong. He wanted to feel humiliated and insignificant in Mikhail’s hands, and the Russian behaved as if he truly enjoyed watching him obeying any of his orders like a lustful and insatiable living toy. In Fei’s mind, it was as if he had wanted to get some punishment for his mistakes and for the unfaithful way he had behaved with the person who loved him. _Who cares about love, love is sad_ _and painful. Love is blue,_ Fei had thought.

What had happened to Asami and his lover had increased his sense of guilt, and the pain caused by their loss and his failure had become unbearable. He supposed he was completely responsible for the misfortune.

In Mikhail’s hand, treating him like a toy, he knew another and different source of expiation for his faults. The Russian conceded him the luxury to keep his eyes blindfolded and Fei could imagine for some minutes that Asami was there with him, enjoying him, as Fei had always wanted and never had the honesty to confess to himself. Maybe Asami was dead already; his body in the deepest part of the ocean and lost forever. A tear rolled from his closed eyes.

_Please, come back_ , he had thought. _I don’t want you for myself anymore but please, come back. I know that I’m the least deserving person to ask for a miracle, yet I expect a miracle. Please, Asami, come back. I can’t live without you. **This is more than love for me** and deep inside I know it and I feel bad for it, but I want you alive. I want this and nothing else. Please, live for me. This is the only thing I want.”_

Some days later, Yoh went directly to Fei’s quarters to communicate him that Asami and his lover had been found with the help of some Mikhail’s men. They had reached an island where Asami couldn’t be tracked down and when the situation was safe enough, he had made his men know they could reach for him. The rescue’s activities were directed with extreme discretion. Fei didn’t want some of his subordinates to know how far he was capable to go for Asami’s sake.

He invited Yoh to drink a glass of red wine in his living room, as a way to celebrate Asami’s and his lover’s lucky fate. They sat down on the comfortable sofa.

At some point, Fei expected Yoh to ask him something about their relationship. The thing that he had never expected was Yoh saying frankly that he had enough of his “personal affair” with the young Russian.

“I know that I can’t show I’m interested in you in front of others, and I have never tried to contact you on personal matters in these days while you were entertaining yourself with that man. It’s up to you how you behave and I’m not interested in your business affairs. I only want to say that my feelings haven’t changed because of this and they never will, as you already know. However, I don’t have a rock in the place of a heart when it comes to you. I’m jealous and I feel hurt sometimes. This is the only thing I wanted you to know. Are you truly interested in that guy? Why?”

Fei peered into his heart, in an attempt to find an answer on this particular matter but he couldn’t find the right words to express the complexity of his feelings. However, he didn’t want Yoh to feel bad about it. Hesitating for a moment, he said that he had deep feelings for him, but he wasn’t ready to have a stable relationship with just one person. “I need time to understand my feelings better… will you wait for me?”

Yoh sighed and after a moment, he replied;

“All the time you need.”

*

Casually in those days, the popular singer Mr. G bought a gold Rolex watch in a luxury store and decided to use it in his last live performance during his tour in a beautiful Asian country. He had sported numerous chain necklaces and an open shirt while singing, as he had done many times. His passionate fans had roared from the auditorium, like a crazy, adoring crowd.

The day after the concert, a journalist interviewed a young masseuse and the receptionist of a luxury hotel, because they had interesting news about the love life of the famous pop singer.

As the journalist wrote after on the most prominent music tabloid, it seemed the young, extremely attractive pop star, was having a love affair with a young Russian billionaire. The receptionist at the front desk declared that the young singer had come to the hotel some days before by evening. He had signed on the registration book with a fake name and had left the hotel by morning wearing a luxury gold watch on his wrist. The young, attractive masseuse stated seeing the singer entering the Russian’s suite one evening, after she had left it, and that she had gotten to know more details from the receptionist who was also a friend of hers. The receptionist said she remembered that watch very well. It was a real superb object and after seeing the pictures of the pop star’s concert, she was sure it was the same.

In vain, the singer declared through his agent that he had bought that watch himself in one of the stores where he had gone dressed as a common person and using glasses, to avoid being bothered by his fans. Obviously, no employee of the store remembered selling a luxury watch to the famous Mr. G.

One of those days, Mikhail texted Fei informing him that they should avoid any meeting for a while. He was having problems with some celebrities’ journalists who wanted to know more of the “interesting, blond young man” who was entertaining a secret relationship with a renowned pop singer. He was concerned that eventually, they found out something about his secret business area, something he wanted to keep away from the interest of “others not related to the field”.

“So, for now, you are free,” he wrote. Adding, “Hope it will be for just some days because I’m beginning to miss you already.”

Probably he was honest, Feilong thought, but he didn’t want to reflect more on his own troubled feelings. On one hand, there was Asami, whose temporary disappearance almost made him go crazy with despair, on the other hand, there were Yoh, whose love had a deep but sad meaning for him; and Mikhail, with whom he was really having a twisted kind of fun and relief. _What to do?_ He wondered.

From the bottom of his heart, Fei couldn’t find a definite answer, at least not yet. _Maybe one_ _day_ , he thought.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my dear Cherry for the proofreading ^_^  
> This story is dedicated to my dear friend Annie ^_^


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